英语小品_英语小品翻译

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（舞台上是一个餐厅的背景，写着：“苏格兰情调”。本山大叔穿着中山装，身上背着一串蒜头，手上拿着野鸡，拉着毛毛上场。）

(This short play is set in a restaurant named “Scottish Taste / Feel.” Uncle Zhao, in his customary Chinese tunic suit, enters, carrying a string of garlic on his back and a pheasant in hand, with his granddaughter Yadar in tow.)赵本山：到了。毛毛：

到了。

赵本山：这就是铁岭最贵的一家饭店。这不，苏格兰调情（tiáo qíng）。毛毛：

爷爷，你念反了，苏格兰情调（qíng diào）。赵本山：啊，情调？就搁这儿吃。毛毛：

爷爷，这家老贵的啦。

赵本山：贵？咱带钱了，带三万多块，那包呢？ 毛毛：

我没拿包啊。赵本山：装钱那包，黄包。毛毛：

完了，让我落炕上了。

赵本山：我说，你这孩子还能办点事吗？！这给你办事，落炕上了还。兜里还有钱吗？ 毛毛：

兜里，多少钱哪才？才70多块钱。赵本山：我还有400。行，够了。毛毛：

这也不能够啊。

赵本山：哎呀，够不够就这样了。服务员！Uncle Zhao Here we are.Yadar

Here we are.Uncle Zhao It's the most pricy eatin' spot in Tieling: “Scottish Tease / Fool.” Yadar

You got it wrongfrom the inside out.Uncle Zhao Then how c'me you wearin' a skirt? Shenyang

Why, it's men's wear in Scottish style.See, it's no skirt but Capri pants.Look at this, look.Oh, damn it, I didn't get into one of the trousers in a hurry.No wonder I feel different while walking.Uncle Zhao Leave that trouser for tomorrow, hah!I tell you, boy, we're gonna have a damn' important guest here in a minute.You should do you' best.Shenyang

No problem.Uncle Zhao How much does a meal cost here if we get at it like mad? Shenyang

Why so / What's wrong? Uncle Zhao I mean if we order nothin' but the best.Shenyang

About 10,000 to 20,000.Uncle Zhao Whut if s'mebody eats today and pays tomorrow? 小沈阳：打白条儿啊？

赵本山：不是啊，不是打白条，不差钱，有钱。喏。小沈阳：啥意思？ 赵本山：小费。

小沈阳：妈呀，大爷你真敞亮，你太帅了。赵本山：给一百块钱还帅呢。我跟你说这不白给啊。一会儿客人到了，你一定要给足我面子，明白吗？我到点菜的时候，你得替我兜着点。小沈阳：咋兜呢？

赵本山：既把面子给了，但是呢又不能花得......太狠。我要点贵菜......小沈阳：我就说没有呗。

赵本山：哎呀妈呀，你太厉害了。来来来，拿点。再给你30，来。小沈阳：我跟你都明码的哦。赵本山：谢谢。小沈阳：放心吧。

毛毛：

爷爷，我有点饿了。赵本山：饿了？来碗面条。小沈阳：呃，78一碗。赵本山：啥面？这么贵。小沈阳：苏格兰打卤面。赵本山：是不是卤子贵？ 小沈阳：卤不要钱。

赵本山：那就来碗卤子，先尝尝咸淡。快去，快去。小沈阳：妈呀，没这么上过呀。

赵本山：那是我没来，我要来，你早就这么上了。去吧去吧。小沈阳：这老爷子，我要说面条不要钱，要面条了你还。Shenyang

You'll give me an IOU? Uncle Zhao Not that.I've got the money anyway.Take this.Shenyang

What's it? Uncle Zhao A tip for you.Shenyang

You do understand people / things / the world, sirZhujun!Oh sorry.Bai Yansong? Oh no.Or a Bi something!Are you Mr.Bi? CCTV Man I'm Bi Fujian.Shenyang

Come here everyone, it`s Mr.Bi here.(To CCTV Man)Why are you hanging out here, sir? Hurry up!Come here!He can go elsewhere at any minute.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell's going on? Anythin' to be so fuy abut? You're being hounded by a wolf? Shenyang

He's Mr.Bi...Uncle Zhao I know, an' he's the guest I'm honored to keep comp'ny today.Shenyang

Gosh, can I have a picture taken with you, Mr.Bi? Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)Wait, wait.(To CCTV Man)Welc'me, Mr.Bi.CCTV Man Nice to meet you.Uncle Zhao I've been waitin' all this time for you.CCTV Man Thanks a lot really.May I have your name please? Uncle Zhao Which man did you expect to see? CCTV Man I'm looking for Zhao Tiezhu, chief of Lotus Township's cultural center.Uncle Zhao You got it.Here's his daddy and I'm...Yadar

Zhao Tiezhu is my daddy.Uncle Zhao An' I'm Tiezhu's daddy.Aren't you lookin' for a dad...I mean it's right to be looking my way.CCTV Man Hi, daddy...I mean buddy.So where's your son? Uncle Zhao He's at the township waitin' for you.Local government officials all lining up, too, to pay their pious respects to you.With enormous care they've prepared a great hall, a big room, with a large photo of you hung in the middle.Flowers all around.CCTV Man What're the colors of the flowers, buddy? Uncle Zhao They're all in white and yellow.Lots of folks' waiting for you with signature pens in hands, tears spillin' all over.CCTV Man Why's that? Uncle Zhao They're excited.CCTV Man Let's go there, then.Uncle Zhao The center asked me to feast you here in town first.How abut that? 3rd 毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？

赵本山：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。

毕福剑：别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。

赵本山：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。小沈阳：毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。毕福剑：你是男服务员？ 小沈阳：嗯哪。

毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。

赵本山：我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？ 毕福剑：刚到，刚到。赵本山：咱是老乡。毕福剑：是吗？

赵本山：你不是大连人吗？ 毕福剑：对对，大连人。赵本山：你住哪儿？

毕福间

我住大连老鳖湾。

赵本山：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕。毕福剑：你姥爷叫毕什么？ 毛毛：

毕门庭。

毕福剑：你姥爷打麻将肯定是高手。赵福剑：咋的？ 毕福剑：闭门听嘛。

赵本山：正好你叫闭门炮。

CCTV Man Why here? Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling.Do c'me this way please.CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.Shenyang

A picture of the two of us, please.CCTV Man(to Shenyang)You're...a male waiter? Shenyang

Yup.CCTV Man

You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came.How funny he is drein' up like this? Sit down here.Did you enjoy your trip? CCTV Man Yes, quite.Uncle Zhao We mus' be fellow townsmen.CCTV Man

Are we? Uncle Zhao Ain`t you from Dalian? CCTV Man Sure.Uncle Zhao Which part? CCTV Man Old Turtle Bend.Uncle Zhao Where her mummy's daddy used to live, too.So we're even relatives.CCTV Man(to Yadar)What`s his name? Yadar

Bi Menting.CCTV Man Your grandpa must be good at playing mahjong.Uncle Zhao Why? CCTV Man The name sounds like a mahjong term.Uncle Zhao That matches you' nickname “Bi Mengpao,” as you're a mahjong man you'self.毕福剑：我叫毕福剑。

赵本山：这也是的，没准儿都......实在......哎呀，这一笑，你看看，多像你姥爷临走那张照片。毛毛：

爷爷，你快看，不笑更像。毕福剑：我今儿个躲不开了。

赵本山：孩子这一辈子，跟爷爷不行，就跟姥爷亲。姥爷临走把她哭完了。快认姥爷。毛毛：

姥爷好。

毕福剑：别别别，起起......。大过年的，你要来这个，我得给你压岁钱了。赵本山：不用，不用。哎呀，这家伙，来......小沈阳：毕老师，你给我照个相呗。

赵本山：这没吃饭呢，你先揣起来。点菜，快点。小沈阳：照完再点呗。赵本山：点完再照。小沈阳：要跑了呢？ 赵本山：。谁跑啊？毕老师都低调来的，你别跟人这样说。她姥爷，这都......实在亲戚，你就点吧。

毕福剑： 不不不，咱随便吃点饭就可以了。您来，您来。

赵本山： 现在咱家都富了，农民生活跟过去不一样了。你就铆劲儿吃，你说吃能吃多少钱哪。我点。

毕福剑：随便来。

赵本山：澳洲鲍鱼四只。小沈阳：对不起，没有。

毕福剑：算了，别点那么贵的。你往下来。赵本山：四斤的龙虾。

小沈阳：对不起，没那么大的。

CCTV Man Just Bi Fujian.Uncle Zhao Yeah, whut an...well, I'm really...(To Yadar)Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.Yadar

Look, even more like it when he doesn't.CCTV Man So I'm hopele either way.Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me.Sort of cried her heart out when he died.Say hello to you' new grandpa.Yadar

(kneeling down / with a kowtow)How do you do, grandpa.CCTV Man Don't, please.It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money.Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir.You're indeed...Shenyang

We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.Uncle Zhao(to Shenyang)We haven't ordered our dishes yet.Put this damn' thing away.We'll see whut to eat first.C'me.Shenyang

Just one picture, please.Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first.Shenyang

What if he runs away after the meal? Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr.Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance.Don't you say a thing like that.(To CCTV Man)I'm whut they call a “country pumpkin,” my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest.So you please order the dishes.CCTV Man Don't be too polite.You do it.Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before.Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway.Please give me the menu.CCTV Man

Don't be extravagant, buddy.Uncle Zhao

Australian abalones, four.Shenyang

Sorry, they're out of stock.CCTV Man Too expensive anyway.Let's move on down.Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each.Shenyang

Sorry, nothing that big.4th 赵本山：有多大的？ 小沈阳：有一斤多的。

赵本山：一斤多的......有吗？ 赵本山：有......还是没有啊？

赵本山：这个......我跟你说，有没有，这是你开的店呢，你还不明白？这不差钱。小沈阳：哦......那没有。

毕福剑：下边我看看，鱼翅就更别点了。

赵本山： 鱼翅有也别吃了，我吃鱼翅有一回就卡住了，后来用馒头噎，用醋泡，都不好使，到医院用镊子拿出来的。不吃那玩意儿。毕福剑： 他也没有。

赵本山： 你这酒店怎么要啥啥没有呢？干什么玩意儿吃的？这毕老师容易来一趟？把你老板找来

小沈阳：没有。

赵本山：你就记住一个没有了，是不？老板。小沈阳：啊，老板哪？老板出去了。赵本山：上哪儿去了？ 小沈阳：不知道。

赵本山：啥玩意儿呀你？你说吃啥呀？ 毕福剑：来点儿家常便饭。民间的。

赵本山：民间的是吧？来民间的吧，孩子，来个小野鸡炖蘑菇。小沈阳：没有。

赵本山：这个可以有。小沈阳：这个......真没有。

Uncle Zhao Whut kind do you have? Shenyang

Half a kilo each.Uncle Zhao Somethin' you really have? Shenyang

Yes we do...or no? Uncle Zhao C'me on, boy, it's you take care of things here.Don't you know whut you've got an' whut not? I'll ne'er shortchange you.Shenyang

So no, we haven't got lobsters.CCTV Man Let me have a look.Even le need for ordering shark's fin.Uncle Zhao I won't.Once a sharp bone in a fish got stuck in my t'roat.I tried to remove it by swallowin' lumps of rice an' softenin' it with vinegar.It didn't work, though.I was then rushed to hospital to get it picked back out with s'me tweezers.So, sharp stuff jus' won't do.CCTV Man Not included on the menu, anyway.Uncle Zhao This restaurant's got nothin' to serve.You've wasted you' chance to make customers happy.A disgrace to my greatest guest Mr.Bi.Where's you' bo? Get him here.Shenyang

No bo, sir.Uncle Zhao Run out of a bo as well? Shenyang

Well...the bo is out.Uncle Zhao Where's he? Shenyang

No idea.Uncle Zhao Whut the hell shall we have to eat, then? CCTV Man Just something homely.Uncle Zhao All right, homely fare then.A lovely little pheasant boiled with mushrooms.Shenyang

I'm sorry, sir.Uncle Zhao That's whut you can have.Shenyang

Something we really don't have.赵本山：我给你带来了啊，咱有。来，丫蛋，把这拿来。哎呀，多亏带来了。毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：我是给你往北京带的，现在你拿不走了，赶紧得在这儿吃了。毕福剑

野山鸡不能吃。

赵本山：这是家养的。都是野蘑菇。把这个炖了，高压锅啊，时间长点，来。好了，这儿有一个菜了。来，笨蛋。小沈阳：你说谁笨蛋？！

赵本山：不是，我说再点个笨鸡蛋。小沈阳：没有。

赵本山：我有。这样......毕福剑：老哥......赵本山：这鸡蛋和大葱一炒。

毕福剑：你怎么下一趟饭店，材料都自己备？

赵本山：不是，他没有啊，问题是。给他钱都没处找去。几个菜了？俩了，这样吧，给你们点机会。毕老师来一回，你们饭店表示不？

小沈阳： 赠送一个呗。哎呀妈呀，大爷你咋这么抠呢？你说你一个没点，完了我们还得搭一个，啊？

赵本山：我说小伙子，咱们不是一个没点。我点完之后，鲍鱼、龙虾你都没有。小沈阳：有没有，你心里还没数吗？ 赵本山：我有啥数，你不是说没有吗？

小沈阳： 别说话了。一说万一要有，咋整啊？ 赵本山： 你到底有没有？这差钱还是咋的？

Uncle Zhao All right, serve the one we brought.Get it here, Yadar.Lucky we didn't c'me with empty hands.CCTV Man No, buddy...Uncle Zhao I thought you could take it back to Beijin'.As you can't, we might as well finish it up here an' now.CCTV Man Pheasants are forbidden for consumption.Uncle Zhao This one's grown at home.Cook the wild mushrooms, too, in a high-preure cooker till they're th'roughly done.So far we've got one dish ready.C'me here, dumb bell.Shenyang

What did you say? Uncle Zhao I mean plus a dumb egg.Shenyang

We don't have any, sir!Uncle Zhao I do.All right...CCTV Man Buddy...Uncle Zhao Stir-fry the eggs with the green onions.CCTV Man Why bother yourself with every ingredient when coming to a restaurant? Uncle Zhao They've got no stuff like this here.Not even if you're willin' to pay.See, we've got two dishes in all an' that's fine!(To Shenyang)Now I'm givin' you a chance to show you're truly hospitable, with Mr.Bi here.Shenyang

We'll serve one dish for free.You're too mean, sir, getting us to compliment you with one dish without ordering any yourself!Uncle Zhao I did place my order, boy.But whut did you have, abalones or lobsters? Shenyang

Is it up to me to say yes? Uncle Zhao Is it up to me, then? How ridiculous!Shenyang

Cut it out, sir.If I say yes, who knows what'll happen next? Uncle Zhao Have you got the things or not? Not that I ain't get the money.5th 小沈阳：我知道大爷不差钱。我的意思，毕老师好容易来一回，咱吃喝不能在乎钱，大爷。你看我今年岁数小，但是我总结了，人这一生其实可短暂了，有时候一想，跟睡觉是一样一样的。眼睛一闭，一睁，一天过去了；眼睛一闭，不睁，这辈子就过去了。毕福剑：小伙子，精辟。赵本山：精辟啥，他是屁精。小沈阳：大爷，我没别的意思。赵本山：你啥意思？

小沈阳：我的意思，人不能把钱看得太重了。钱乃身外之物。人生最痛苦的事情，你知道是什么？

赵本山：嗯？

小沈阳：人死了，钱没花了。

赵本山：人这一生最最痛苦的事，你知道是什么吗？ 小沈阳：啥呀？

赵本山：是人活着呢，钱没了。不差钱，放心吧，啊。把菜好好做上。小沈阳：哎，好嘞。赵本山：这孩子。

小沈阳：这一天......这也太抠了。

赵本山：他姥爷，这菜呢，得做一会儿。你看看丫蛋来了，这孩子从小就是一身的艺术细菌哪。毕福剑：艺......艺术细胞。

赵本山：给看看，能不能上你的大道。毕福剑：她......赵本山：才艺，那是了不得。

毕福剑：老哥，我弄明白了，你今天截我到这儿来，就是为了让您孙女上我们《星光大道》。赵本山：可不是嘛，它有这么个关系。毕福剑：哦，那她都......会点什么？

赵本山：来吧，给姥爷表示表示。服务员，拿麦克。有卡拉OK的麦克吗？拿来。站好了。

Shenyang

This I know, sir, but with Mr.Bi here, perhaps only for once, can't you stop being so stingy? I am still young, but I see life can be so very short, it sometimes is much the same as taking a sleep.Eyes closed, eyes opened, and a whole day is over.Eyes closed but never opened againbecause I've found my grandpa.Grandpa's great, he can take me to the Star Splashed Walkway.CCTV Man Starlight Broadway.Uncle Zhao Starlight Broadway.Yadar

Broadway or whatever, I'm grateful to grandpa for this chance.I'll be very thankful if you can take me to your Broadway.I'll thank your ancestors...I mean I'll thank you on behalf of my own ancestors of long, long years ago.I won't forget this great favor you've done me.I owe this new life of mine to you.I'll go on chasing you even after I die to become a ghost.CCTV Man(to Uncle Zhao)Grandpa...I mean you.The way she spoke sort of upset me.Uncle Zhao Eh...I gue she jus' wants to revenge you...CCTV Man Is that so? Uncle Zhao No, I mean to repay you.Or reimburse you or whute'er.One should repay those who've generously helped him or her.When the girl becomes famous, she really shouldn`t forget you.(To Yadar)Go ahead and sing.CCTV Man Can she sing a song? Uncle Zhao Sing “The Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau” by Li Guyi.Yadar

It`s by Li Na.Uncle Zhao Whoe'er it is.6th 毛毛现场演唱《青藏高原》。）毛毛：

“是谁带来远古的呼唤？

是谁留下千年的期盼......” 赵本山：中间的不用唱了，最后那个。哦哟啦，那个。毛毛：

“......那就是青藏高原。” 毕福剑：年龄不大，嗓门真高。

赵本山：来来，再长一个调儿。“那就......”。毛毛：

爷爷，卤子有点吃咸了。（小沈阳忍俊不禁）毕福剑：好好。

赵本山：还有呢？后面连哭带唱的。毕福剑：等一下。赵本山：连哭带说。

毕福剑：老哥，我问一下，连哭带说是什么节目？ 赵本山：就后面“我家庭怎么困难，怎么不容易”那段。毕福剑：不不，那叫获奖感言。《星光大道》都是真人真事。你这还没有上北京，没参加《星光大道》，就获奖感言了。赵本山：这关系，另外这条件，她不获奖能行吗？他姥爷在这儿，我还没底吗？来来来，哭，哭。这孩子可厉害了。差仨数，她马上就哭。一、二、三--哭！毛毛：

咋哭？

赵本山：哭啊，丫蛋，在家哭那么快，真完蛋了。毛毛：

明儿也哭不出来。

赵本山：不跟姥爷有感情吗？来，看姥爷，姥爷照片在这儿。毛毛：

呜呜，嘻嘻，嘻嘻。赵本山：完蛋了，笑什么！

毛毛：

太有了意思了，哪照片呀这。

毕福剑：不说了，不说了。才艺很不错，唱得很不错。Yadar

(starting to sing)

“Ah, who brings here the earnest call of remote antiquity?

Ah, who leaves behind the expectations of the millennium?”

Uncle Zhao Skip the middle part and move on to the final climax.(Trying to imitate)Yo-la-la.See? Yadar

“...That's Qinghai-Tibetan / Qingzang Plateau,The highland of my soul!” CCTV Man What a high pitch you've got for your age.Uncle Zhao Push higher up.Like this.Yadar

Grandpa, the sauce's hurt my voice a bit.(Shenyang giggles again)CCTV Man(to Yadar)That's enough.Uncle Zhao Next, the game of ravin' in tears after the show.CCTV Man Wait a minute.Uncle Zhao Gabbling between sobs.CCTV Man What exactly? Uncle Zhao Like “I'm from a poor family an' life's been extra hard for me.” CCTV Man Not that yet.Hold it off till after she's got an award in Beijing.The Starlight Broadway's about what people actually experience in real life.They're not supposed to act things out beforehand.Uncle Zhao See whut support she's got an' how truly marvelous she is at singin'? It'd be funny if she goes there without winnin'!With you her grandpa here, I've got nothin' to worry about.(To Yadar)C'me on, Yadar.Show Grandpa Bi how you cry.(Back to CCTV Man)The girl's fantastic.You only count to t'ree and she'll sure break down.(Back to Yadar)One, two, t'reethe click rate is just fuckin' high.The girl with the cyber name “Yadar” is her.CCTV Man

So she's the Yadar netizens're talking so much about? Uncle Zhao

Sure.毕福剑：太好了。你马上上菜，今天这顿饭我包了，我请客。丫蛋，你明天跟着大哥一起去北京，上《星光大道》。你们搞一个组合，就叫“不差钱”。毛毛：

我也能去了？ 毕福剑：可以啊。毛毛：

谢谢姥爷。小沈阳：谢谢姥爷。

赵本山：我跟你说，毕老师，你们《星光大道》不是百姓舞台吗？谁都可以参与嘛。他们都要了，把我也接收得了呗。

毕福剑：搜狐网上也有您的名字？

赵本山：你点一下试试呗。另外，我有个重要秘密没跟您透露。毕福剑：什么秘密？

赵本山：其实我姥爷也姓毕。（演员谢幕）

CCTV Man

Fantastic!(To Shenyang)Serve the meal quick.It's going to be my treat today-I'll pay the bill.And Yadar, you go off to Beijing tomorrow along with Shenyang, and join the rest of us there at Starlight Broadway.The two of you shall team up and prepare a comic piece with the title “Got the Money Anyway.” Yadar

Can I really go? CCTV Man Of course.Yadar

Thank you, grandpa.Shenyang

Thank you, grandpa.Uncle Zhao Dear in-law, I know the Starlight Broadway's a stage for common people to play on.If you can take the two youngsters with you, why can't you take me too? CCTV Man Are you famous, too, on the internet? Uncle Zhao You can click an' see.An' there's a little secret I haven't told you yet.CCTV Man What's it? Uncle Zhao My maternal grandpa, too, was surnamed Bi.(The entire cast exeunt after courteously bowing to the audience.)

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