搞笑英语话剧剧本57人心碎_5分钟英语话剧剧本7人
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Heart broken
Billing： XiMenchuixue YeGucheng HuaManlou
King PanJinlian Narratage/soldier
N：A quiet village is covered with white snow.Birds are dancing in the cold.A man is standing in the street.The wind is coming in silence.Another mysterious man approaches.Y与X相遇．
Y: Oh , I am sorry to knock into you!
X: Ha ha , Never mind, boy.What’s your name?
Y: Ha ha , I won’t change my name, no matter what happens.I’m the most famous-------YeGucheng.Who are you?
X: I am XiMenchuixue.Y:Ah??? XiMenchuixue?
X: Yes, what’s wrong?
Y: I heard that you are the best one in Chinese Kongfu.X: Great, you know me!Y: But your wife is my first lover.X: What???
Y抱腿: Oh, Please, please…… Don’t kill me!Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you!
Y: I don't want to be killed.There is an eighty-year-old mother and a three-year-old son to be looked after by me!
X: Noway!Because we are enemies now!You know?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!
X: 拔刀砍向Y
(Y拿出一袋牛奶迎上去)
X抢过牛奶: Milk, very good!I like drinking it.How do you know that?
Y: Just drink it!
X喝完牛奶: Thanks, ha ha.Y: Do you still want to kill me?
X: Sure!Milk is milk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very nice!I hope you won’t forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y: I must give you a leon!If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach, Oach!
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: Help!Help!Where is the washroom?
Y: What ?
X: Toliet?
Y: What ?
X: The “WC”?
Y: Oh, I see.go along this street to the end and turn left when you see a high building!You can’t mi it.X: Thanks, bye bye.X与J相遇
X跑过来J举牌：Ladies room J: You saw me!? You animal, monster, bullshit!(一边拉拉锁一边说)I kill you!X: Oh, No!I am sorry honey, but you are so beautiful!What’s your name? J: My first name is Jinlian, and my family name is Pan.X: Oh, PanJinlian!??? So nice name.I love you.You have the most beautiful face, nose and little lips.Would you like to marry me? J: Yes, I’d like to.But do you get married? X: Of course, ah…not!What about you? J: Um…neither am I.But do you have a ring to give me？ X: I will get one for you.J: I love you.I will be right here waiting for you.N: Then XiMenchuixue go to find a ring.Let us see what happens to YeGucheng at the same time.Y: You see?? It is really terrible for a person not being good at English.Y掏出纸屑吹:This is XiMenchuixue now!
H: Stop!Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!
Y: Who are you?
H: HuaManlou!Have you seen XiMenchuixue?
Y: Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now, ha……
H惊讶: So, now, you are the best in the world!
Y: Clever girl.H: You are the one my king looking for!Do you want to join us?
Y: Yes, my pleasure.H: Ok, follow me.Let’s go to see my king!
Y: Ok, Let’s go!My first lover in dreams.H: What? Y: Nothing.H:My dear king!Let me introduce YeGucheng to you!（指Y）This is YeGucheng.K: Sit down please, YeGucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H: YeGucheng!Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , rainstorm or Aids?
Y: Yes, I do.K: Gucheng , come closely.给叶孤城戴上戒指（音乐停）
X唱着上: Only you……(看到戒指)this ring will be mine!
K: But who are you? Why should it belong to you?
Y急切: King!Dear king!I must go now, my mother asks me to go back home to have dinner.X: I am XiMenchuixue.YeGucheng, come here!Give me the ring！!Y: Here you are.(灰溜溜的过去)X转身准备离开 K: Arrest him!X: I will kill anyone who is in my way, no matter he is a human being or a Buddha.S: I am the most handsome soldier in the world.My favorite is looking myself in the mirror.I am here.I am here!I am here!You can’t go, boy!??? X拔刀捅个不停，S动作配合但不死
X擦汗：I am too tired to kill you, but I will cut down your head.S: Oh, God!Where is my head? Without a head, I will be very, very ugly.World without being handsome, I would rather die.Ah…
K: Ah, XiMenchuixue is really rude.You see??? The handsome soldier’s brain was broken into pieces.Tell Youlai building not to cook tofu brain as breakfast any more.N: Then, XiMenchuixue go to ladies room to meet his lover with the ring.But actually HuaManlou is XiMenchuixue’s wife.So… what will happen next?
H: My dear husband, where are you going? X: Something important!Don’t follow me.H: But the ring should be mine.(X找到了金莲, but H 也跟来了.)H: Oh, shit(捂眼).What are you doing? You little bitch, I will kill you.Nine Yin bones claw? J: HaHaHa…!My son is Li Gang, I fear nothing(自信).Who the hell are you? H: I’m his wife！!?!J: You have a wife? You cheated me!X: But you have a son, named Li Gang.My heart is broken(扭头退场，留下背影)J: My heart is also broken(冲背影，也下场)H:（大喊）My heart is broken into pieces！!(冲背影)Fuck your sisters.N：At the same time, Ye Gucheng and the king are playing another legend story.Y: 转身准备离开
K: Gucheng!? Are you going to abandon me? Y: I will!K: Why ?
Y:Because I’m not a gay.Once, there was a sincere love available for me , but I didn’t cherish.Now I regret to die!If the god would give me another chance, I would have said to that girl “I love you”.If there must be a limit for it , I hope it was one night.But now ,my heart is broken(退场)K: Oh ,no.My heart is broken too.(退场)N：Every one is a fraud.Love is not a thing that you can buy whenever you want.At last, These people with broken heart go back to Tang dynasty, and they all become monks.Then……(放西游记的歌，白龙马最后出场，背后贴字 “White Dragon Horse”
End.
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