5人搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》_五人英语话剧剧本搞笑
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搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.Birdsaredancinginthecold.Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ,stepbystep.Windiscominginsilence.Another mysteriousmanapproaches.Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,Iamsorrytoknockyou!
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ,Iwon’tchangemyname!nomatterwhathappens.I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng.Whoareyou?X:Iamximenchuixue.Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great, youknowme!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme!letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou!
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''twanttobekilled.Thereare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, verygood!Ilikedrinkingit.howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must!milkismilk.Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!?
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualeon!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach!
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help!help!Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,goalongthitreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacoringroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.Y掏出纸屑吹:Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:Mydearest!letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisyegucheng.K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenuchascold headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.K: Huamanlou, come.puttheringonhisfinger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Onlyyou……(看到戒子)thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切: king!dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng!comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿:oldbrother!Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit.Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou“I love you”,Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC.I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid!Itmeans“I love you”.K:Don’t saythat“you love me”.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What?(侧耳装着听不到)You---kill----me?come, come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou.Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme.Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.Y:That’s good.butthereisonemorething.canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.K:ofcouse.Youaretheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme!Hahaha……小品剧本大全Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’omewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.H顶着摇头：X,no, no，youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”.Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo!becauseyouareX!youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword?!whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ?!
K: youareright.onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie.Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way!gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly!goahead!
H: you , stupid , bad behavior!goaway!
K;why ? whydoyouhelphim!whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX.I’maspy.K惊讶:!you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou.atricker!doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me!because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself.you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today!(轻声说)Ｘwilldie ,goandseehim ,please.H扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning!
K:what amoving story!I was impreed!
Y:life is a progre ,but it is depreed that it can not resume!
H: life isa progre ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume!
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me!realizethat I’m wrong.help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you------help me.I’ll never dothat again!(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together.X:gohome!?
H:Tomorrow is another day!evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove!
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you.but!youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday!Youmustdome this honor...promise meyou will survive...that youwillnevergiveup...nomatter what happens...no matter howhopele...promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.H: I promise.X:Never let go.H:Ipromise.Iwill never let go ,X.I''''''''ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive!yeah , bealive!bealivewithout ahendance!lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback.thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning!（H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）小品剧本大全
