荆柯刺秦英语剧本_荆轲刺秦王英语剧本

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一、Emperor and the Aain 荆珂刺秦王搞笑英语话剧剧本 旁白(Aside)/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways.Mr Jingke was the most famous sWordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”.But finally he failed.Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world?(画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan!太子丹高兴状)Thank u mirror!(面对观众)I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world.But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth.I am so scared.So what can I do?(向幕里大叫)Where is my minister? 阿三(毕恭毕敬): Honey, I am coming.太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!阿三:Sure, honey!I have a good idea.We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)太子:Oh yeah~~~.What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!这句话要跟观众交流,最好由观众来回答,然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状)Good idea!But who is the right candidate? 阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand.One is Mi LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe.Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as poible, OK? 阿三:Yes.Action II(《十面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)荆轲

Are you Li mochou? 李莫愁 Yes.荆轲

OK.I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.李莫愁

Are you challenging me? 荆轲

Off course!耸耸肩表示同意 李莫愁 Come on!音乐起

两人冲上前来

“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。”

李莫愁倒地 荆轲大笑

李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt? 荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person.Don't we? Do we?(赢一个人需要理由么,不需要么,需要么?)

李莫愁:Momma always said: “Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou.You never know what you're gonna get.” I got it, Momma is right.荆轲再次大笑

太子丹上(抱拳):How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you? 太子丹:Oh my God!Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”? 荆柯:Sure!太子丹:How are you? 荆柯:Fine, thank you, and your wife? 太子丹晕倒

荆柯:Hey, man, I’m kidding!太子丹:Oh, I’m kidding too!(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.阿三:Hero,we need your help.荆柯:I am busy now!太子丹:You can get a lot of money.荆柯:I am very busy now!阿三:IC, ID, IQ card? 荆柯:I am very very busy now!阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look!She is the most beautiful girl in the world.If you say O.K., she is yours.荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!阿三:What? What’s the TCM? 荆柯;Hey, guy!You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.阿三:Excuse me? What’s the TCM? 观众甲:TCM-Traditional Chinese MM.太子丹:I must show you the trump card.Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea.It is a brand new product of Unilever China.荆柯(激动):Slimming tea!I have dreamed of it for thousands of times.My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.阿三:You want? Speak up if you want!Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up.Take it!Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗„„(《No matter》音乐起,荆轲先与阿三跳探戈,拥入怀中,又甩出去,阿三做呕吐状。然后荆轲与太子丹跳伦巴,最后太子丹摆一个女性化的造型,向后弯腰并抬其中一条腿,荆轲做调戏状。)荆柯(诚恳状)Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you.太子丹与阿三(撞胯,击掌)Yeah!

Action Ш(《大话西游》主题曲响起)

荆珂挽着妻子,太子丹,阿三在后.阿三:Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.荆珂:Just stop here, please.Farewell, my friends 太子丹:I will mi you, baby.(太子丹,阿三下。停顿。《泰坦尼克号》主题曲起,荆轲与妻子做Jack和rose在船头的经典造型,忽然荆轲看到一个美女——此时一个中国古典美女经过,向荆轲抛媚眼,并抛下定情手绢。荆轲高兴的盯着美女看,妻子发觉不对,扭过头来。)荆珂(急忙收敛):Darling, I love you.妻子:I love you!You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)荆珂(流泪):I love you more.In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you.(哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)妻子:Well.Be a man, just do it!I will be right here waiting for you.荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart!You must do me this honor...promise me you will survive...that you will never give up...no matter what happens...no matter how hopele...promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).妻子:“I promise.” 荆轲:“Never let go.“

妻子:”I promise.I will never let go, Jack.I'll never let go.“(荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。)妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪,荆珂上船,渐渐远去

妻子:It’s a good day to die.Never come back.Never„„ Never„„

妻子(掏出手机拨号,阿三接手机): Thank you very much.As soon as I get the life aurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.阿三:Okay okay!旁白:Then Jingke was sent to Qin and finally killed by Yingzheng.The End

二、7人英语话剧剧本-Net Friend,互联网交友

Is it correct to make friends on the Internet? Will it be dangerous? Bill, Hillary's younger brother, is a rude and impolite boy.Everyone in his school doesn't like him.However, he really wants to have a girlfriend, so he asks his sister to help him.Then Hillary pretended to be Bill on net and met a nice girl, Monica.Three months later, Hillary asked Monica to go out with ”Bill“(Her brother), and arranged everything for them.When they met each other at McDonald's, Monica found that Bill wasn't the one who she talked to on net.Then...Finally, Monica understands that it's very dangerous to date with strangers and trusts everything of which her net-friend told her.And we all should be very careful when we're on net.Scene I

(In school cafeteria, students are having lunch)

Bill: Hey, Jeie.(He pushed her shoulder very rudely)Can I join you?(Jeie didn't say a Word, and Bill just sat down)

Bill: Wow!Wow!Wow!You are wearing a nice dre today!Jeie: Thanks!

Bill: Oh!What a beautiful hair clip.Where did you buy it?(Jeie didn't say anything..)

Bill: Hey, you have a nice watch.(He held her hand strongly and Jeie got angry.)

Jeie: Don't touch me!I don't want to talk to you.Leave me alone!(Bill stood up and walked toward Carol.Bill sat down beside Carol without asking her)

Bill: Hey, beautiful!How could you eat so little!It's not good for your health!Take this!(Bill wanted Carol to eat his food)

Carol: No.Bill: Take it!(He was very rude and the plate fell down.)Carol: Hey!What are you doing!This is my new skirt!Bill: I'm sorry!

Carol: Go away!You're such a rude guy!(Carol went away.)

Bill: Did I do something wrong?(He talked to himself)

Scene II

(In Hillary's room.Hillary was surfing the net)

Bill: Sis....Bill: Hillary!

Hillary: Oh!Hi!Bill!How long have you been sitting there? Are you trying to scare me?(Bill didn't say a Word.)

Hillary: Bill? What's wrong with you? What happened?

Bill: I tried to draw some girls' attention but they just ignored me!Hillary: Hmm....Maybe the way you used was wrong.Bill: Yeah, maybe.But I don't know how to attract them.Hillary, I just want to have a girlfriend? Hillary: Girlfriend? Bill: Yeah.Hillary: Let me see what I can do.Bill: So, can you help me?

Hillary: Ok!Since you really want to have a girlfriend, I'll try to help you.Bill: Great!Thank you!You are a doll!

(At this moment, Hillary's net-friend is calling her.)

Hillary: Oh..My net-friend!

Bill: Ok!Waiting for your good news!

(Bill left Hillary's room and Hillary was thinking how she helped Bill.)

Hillary: Yeah!That's it!I can pretend to be Bill and find a girlfriend on the Internet!(She opened the PC and saw a girl's name ”Monica“...)

Hillary:(Laughing......)Monica!(A little bit surprised)

Hillary:(Talked to herself)It is the same name as the girl of Clinton's sexual scandal.Hmm.Let me send a meage to her.Hillary: Hi!I'm Bill!Glad to meet you!

Monica: Hello, Bill!, Glad to meet you, too.I'm a college student, and you? Hillary: Me three

Monica:(Laughing...)You're a humorous person!Hillary: Thanks!I gue you're a female, aren't you? Monica: Yes, I am.Hillary:(Talked to herself)Great!She's a girl.Monica: And you?

Hillary: Oh...I'm a ”boy“

Monica: Which school club are you in? Hillary: Computer Information Club.Monica: Oh!Really? So you must be a computer expert!Hillary: You can say that again.Monica: You know I'm interested in computers, too.So, can you teach me or tell me something about them?

Hillary: Sure!It's my pleasure!(.....Two hours later.....)

Hillary: Oh!It's interesting to chat with you.Monica: Yeah!I'm very happy, too.IIiIIaiy: Will you be here tomorrow? At the same time? Monica: I think so, I hope we can meet again.Hillary: Ok, I'll be here tomorrow, Bye!Bye!Monica: Bye!

Saying: From then on, Monica and Hillary continue chatting with each other after school.(At Monica's room.As soon as Monica came back home from school, she started surfing the net.Then, her mom came into her room.She knocked her door, but no oneanswered the door)

Mom: I'm coming!

Mom: Oh!Monica, my darling!I've just baked some cookies.Want some? Monica: No, thanks!I have something important to do.Mom: What are you busy doing?

Monica: I'm surfing the net and talking to my net-friend.Mom: Net-friends!They are strangers.You even don't know who they are.I read from the newspapers.Lot's of things happened on net.You should be more careful and you have to watch out for your net-friends, You're so young

Monica: Ok..ok..I know, Mom.Don't worry about me.(Mom walked out her room.and Monica saw Hillary)

Monica: Hello!Bill!

Hillary: Hi!Monica!How's school today? Monica: Wonderful!It's really a nice day!

Hillary: Monica!I think we've known each other for a long time.And I just wonder whether you would go out with me?

Monica:(Talk to herself)Go out with him?

Monica: Sure, I would like to.I think you're a polite and humorous person.It may be interesting to go out with you!

Hillary: That's great!How about we meeting at McDonald's on Ming-Chang Road this weekend? Monica: All right!It's a deal!But how can I recognize you?

Hilillary: I'll wear a blue shirt, blue jeans, a blue caps and also carry a blue knapsack.Besides, I'll stand beside the trash can.Monica: All in blue!Wow!Ok!That will be easy for me to recognize you.Hillary: Yeah!I'll be waiting for you!Monica: Ok!See you

Monica:(Talk to herself)Ha!I'm looking forward to it!

Hillary:(Talk to herself)Yes, I made it.I'm going to tell Bill this good news!ScenceIII

(At McDonald's, Bill was waiting for Monica.A few minutes later, Monica saw Bill and walked toward Bill)

Monica: Hi...Are you Bill? Bill: Yes, I am.You're Monica? Monica: Yeah..that's right.Bill: You look great!

Monica: You're not bad, either.Hey, Let's find a table!

Bill: Yeah!How about that one? I've ordered some things.(They found a table and began talking.)

Monica: Bill!Bill: Monica!

Bill: Oh!Lady first!

Monica: Bill, have you already finished your computer report? Bill: Uh...Uh...Did I tell you that?

Monica: Yes, you did.You said it was about how to kill virus.Did you find out how to do that? Bill: Kill virus? That's easy for me.I'm a genius.Just use a knife.Monica: A knife?

Bill: Yeah!Knife can kill everything.Monica: What are you talking about? Alright!Alright!Forget it!And how about the novel we discued last week?

Bill: Novel? I've read so many novels, which one?

Monica: ”The old man and the sea“, don't you forget? What happened to that old man? Bill: Yeah!That old man!He caught a big fish and then became a hero.Monica: Hmm.He has a strong will, doesn't he? He never gives up anything.And how about the fish?

Bill: Did you forget? He cooked the fish and ate it!

Monica: And~~it's delicious, right? Bill: You got it!It's very delicious!

Monica: Nonsense!The fish was eaten by the sharks.You're not Bill, are you? Bill: Of course I'm Bill.”B~I-L-L“

Monica: But you seem different from the way you are on net.Who are you for God's sake?

Bill: Ok.I tell you the truth.I'm Bill, but not the one you talked to on net.That was my sister, Hillary.Monica: Are you kidding me?

Bill: No, that's true.I really want to have a girlfriend, so she helped me out.She met you on net and thought you're a nice girl.So she arranged us to meet each other.Monica: That means both of you tricked me? Bill: So what? That's Hillary's idea.Monica: You...You.....(She is very angry)

Monica: Gosh!I was tricked for such a long time!Scence IV

(Monica left McDonald angrily)

(At Monica's room, again.)Monica:(Crying)How foolish I was!What on earth was I doing?(Still crying)I think I need someone to talk to.(She looked around and saw the time)

Monica: Ah, 8:30.It's ”Paula's Time.“(She turned on the TV)

Paula: Welcome to ”Paula's Time“ I'm Paula Jones, not Dow Jones.Today we'll discu some net problems.Nowadays Internet helps modern people live more convenient lives, get the latest information.You can say that we live in an Internet world.However, some bad guys made use of Internet to do illegal deals or trick people.So, today we will listen to some friends' problems and help them solve it.Our hot line number is 111-1234.Please dial it as soon as poible.I'm waiting for your call-in.OK.Who's the first friend? Monica: Hi, Paula, I'm Monica.Paula: Yes, Monica, what do you want to share with us?

Monica: I met a girl, Hillary, on net three months ago.She pretended to be her brother, Bill, and chatted with me.But I didn't know the truth until yesterday that we arranged to meet each other.He told me that Hillary surfed the net to help him find a girlfriend.And that was me.I felt I was tricked and I was very sad.Do you think I'm wrong?

Paula: It seems like Bill takes special interests in Monica just like our president.Monica, it's a serious and common social problem in modern society.Lots of people want to make friends on the Internet.But you must be careful.On the net, people use nicknames to protect themselves, or even trick others to do something bad.Everyone on the net wears a mask.Sometimes it's evil that hides under the mask.So you had better watch out.Never date with strangers by yourself.Strangers are dangerous.Monica: Thanks, Paula.You do help me a lot.I know what I should do now.(Suddenly someone is calling Monica on net)

Starr: Hi!Monica!I'm Starr.May I make friends with you? Monica: Oh!No!Not again!(Lights out)

The End

三、Scene I(Green Garden St.)(During the rush hours, when the street is crowded , Mr.Green is driving past the red light , unexpectedly a car accident happens...Two people came out of their cars angrily...)Mi Blue: Oh!It's you, Mr.Green...Do you know how to drive your car? Mr.Green: You see that I was driving acro the road!Wow!There is a dent on my beloved BENZ.Mi Blue: My BMW has got a dent too, you should compensate me.(While they are quarrelling, later on, the police comes.)Police: What's happened? Mr.Green: She has bumped into my car!Mi Blue: No!It is himself that drove past the red light...(Quarrel again...)Police: Has any one been injured? Mr.Green: I feel headache , foot ache , ache very much.Mi Blue: I ache all over too.(Both of them mourn painfully...)Police: Then I'll call an ambulance(O-E-O-E...).Scene II(Blue Sky Hospital-Emergency)(Ambulance sends them to the hospital)Nurse: Who is injured?(Both of them say it is themselves at the same time...)Nurse: What's your name, Mr.? Mr.Green: Call me DPP Green.Nurse:(Unhappy facial expreion)Oh!Go to the corner and sit there.Mr.Green: But...(nurse interrupts)Nurse: Go!Don't speak any words.....what's your name, Mi? Mi Blue: My name is KMT Blue.Nurse:(gentle and smiles)Oh, Mi this side, please.Would you tell me how you are feeling? Mi Blue: Oh!I ache all over...Nurse: OK!I'll help you stop the pain first, and then the doctor will treat you in a while.(Mr.Green comes over to require medical treatment, but rejected)Mr.Green: Nurse, I...I feel...Nurse: Wait there, didn't you hear me?(Mr.Green goes back helplely, the doctor comes over at this moment...)Nurse: The young lady called KMT Blue...KMT Blue.Doctor: Ok!I see...How are you, Mi? Mi Blue: I got an car accident and I ache all over...Doctor:(Check)It's ok...don't worry about it.I'll give you some medicine.You'll get well soon......Mi Blue: Thank you, doctor..(Mi Blue leaves.)Doctor: Next one.(Mr.Green comes in and Dr.reads his medical record)You are called DPP Green!Mr.Green: Yeah!Any problem with that ? Doctor: Hmm...(Consider)DPP Green(Raise up voice)? What's wrong with you? Mr.Green: I ache all over-headache, toothache and foot ache(The doctor interrupts him impatiently)...Doctor: I...I...I see, Mi Lin – give Mr.Green an injection...Mr.Green: What? An injection?(Nurse takes out the syringe)Nurse: Where do you want to inject?(Mr.Green is frightened and shivering...)Mr.Green: Well, doctor...that...I do not ache anymore, I...I want to leave.Nurse: Wait!Don't go...(Nurse pulls Mr.Green and forces him to enter the injection room)Mr.Green: Wow!......That hurts!(Mi Blue goes out of the emergency room, but Mr.Green leaves in terrible pain.)孔雀东南飞

焦仲卿Johnny(J for short)刘兰芝Lunch(L for short)焦母Johnny’smother(JM for short)刘母Lunch’smother(LM for short)太守之子Mayor’s son(MS for short)强盗Burglars(A B and C)Prologue(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)J: Everybody says that I’m henpecked ,but in fact, I’m as strong as atiger ,(小声)while my Wife is Wu Song.(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then ,I’m afraid of whom? My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me, Smarter than me and stronger than me..All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender Than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell!(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)My God!Who can help me?(下)Act1(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)JM(拄拐棍上):I can!(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you? L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’sup mum? JM: I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful graceful and Dearest mother-in-law”.L: OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law, what’s up? JM :Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude so brusque ,so lazy…… L: But……

JM: Never interrupt me!L: Never interrupt me!Since I married your son, that terrible Johnny, I have been working hard all day long, cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and ducks and chicken and…… JM: But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh, you want a grandson, don’t you?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)Act2(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)L: Mum, I’m back!LM: You are back? Why? What happened? L: I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on Marrying that terrible John, I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor, But you did not listen to me.Look at yourself…… L: But, mum……

LM: Never interrupt me!L: Mum, I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you a real way OK? And I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now, I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If you daughter Haven’t been married, I really really wan to marry her!” Now you are free again, I’ll go And tell him.(下)L(惊愕):What? The mayor’s son? The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅 铲掉在地上)What as illy thing I have done!(下)Act3(J睡眼惺忪上)J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Where are my socks?(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下)Er!How smelly!They are still dirty!(突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself.(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh, I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围

裙)This is what Lunch always swears!I mi her so much, and her excellent cooking skill!Now She has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.JM(上):Where’s my breakfast Where’s Lunch? Has’nt she got up yet? J: Mum, can’t you remember? Lunch has gone!JM(沉吟片刻):Well, to tell you the truth Johnny, as on with out a wife is usele.Lunch is a nice girl, go and take her back!J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!Act4(J开心地走着,忽然跳出来三个强盗)A: Hey you!Stop and listen to us!The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)B: And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)C: If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头,但踩到了A的脚)AB&C: Give us all your money!J(搜遍了每一个口袋,掏出1角硬币):Is 1 mao enough?(三强盗晕倒状,接着三人聚在一边商量)A: What bad luck!This guy is broken!B: If we can not rob any money today, we will have nothing to eat tonight!C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Mi Liu Lanzhi next month.WE can go and Rob the wedding!A&B: Good idea!J(惊讶):What? What? Lunch is going to get married? It’s impoible!AB&C: Why? A pretty girl and a rich man, what a good couple!J: But Lunch is my wife!We haven’ t got divorced yet!(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding ,don’t you? I’ll go with you.You take the money and I take the bride.B: Have you got any experience? J : No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票,上书$1,000,000)Act5(转眼已到了婚礼之期.MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上,J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)(J和三强盗跃至台中)ABC&J: Hey you!Stop and listen to us!A: The road is built by me!B: And I planted one tree.C: If you want to go by this street---J: Give us all your money!(L听到J的声音,掀起了盖头)L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)(MS大怒,挥拳向J打来.J矮身一躲,MS打中了J身后的L,L晕倒)J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!(挥拳向MS冲去)(J与MS混战,JM上,以拐杖击晕MS)(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)J(扶起L,关切地问):Honey, how are you? L(哭状): I hurt a lot!J: Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine.(下)L(起身去追):Wait for me!(跑下)(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)

荆柯刺秦

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