搞笑版新白娘子传奇剧本_新白娘子传奇搞笑剧本
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搞笑版版新白娘子传奇剧本
旁白：long long ago, a moving story happened here ,it’s about love ,life, and fun（音乐起，千年等一回）齐唱： waiting 1000 years 1000 years for a chance Waiting 1000 years I have no regret Who said this to me That love me forever Only for your words A~I won’t be regretful Rain heart broke wind is crying Sweety love seems to fall West lake likes my tear I would like to be fire with you A~ Waiting 1000 years 1000 years for a chance Waiting 1000 years I have no regret Waiting 1000 years 1000 years for a chance Waiting 1000 years…
1000（音乐，幻化人形）第一幕：断桥上
旁白：the snake white and snake green became into human beings through magic power 青：“sister, is this the world of human being ? how beautiful!”
白：“be careful , follow me!”（闪电，下雨……）青：“what heavy rain!”
白：“don’t worry, we have an umbrella.” 白素贞与许仙相遇…… 许：“oh, my god!”
白：“so handsome …Mr，your cloth is wet , now I have an umbrella, let us share one.”
许：“oh, thank you, loving girl.What good weather, would you like to walk with me ? ”
白：“ok, let’s go.”
青：“sister, sister, let’s go together.” 白：“don’t you see I’m busy ? go!”
青：“Ifeel rather helple，when she see some handsome men,she offten give me the cold shoulder.” 许：“Your name?” 白：“Suzhen”
许：“I never saw a girl more beatuiful than you ,you’re a dead ringer for my mother,oh,sorry, I mean ,when I saw you ,I don’t know what to say… ”
白：“Stop beating around the bush and say what you want to say.” 许：“Do you want to marry with me?” 白：“Yes，I do,xianggong!”
许：“Wonderful！After we tie the knot，we’ll have a honeymoon.”（二人离去）青：“sister, sister!” 第二幕: 旁白：From then on，mi white mi green and xuxian lived a happy life,they offten chew the fat ,and burned the candle at both ends.until suddenly one day，mi green heard that the monk fahai would come.青：“Sister, what are you doing here?”
白：“Xuxian hadn’t wake up , I get out of bed on the wrong side.I’m thinking about our future.”
青：“I’ve known that fahai is coming here ”
白：“Oh ,look, the scenery is beautiful ,if only…”（音乐起，紧张）法海出现
法海：“Evil spirits!today, I’ll subdue you!lady white, you have no chance to escape!”
青：Buddhist monk，Mind your P’s and Q’s ,otherwise，I’ll let you die ugly.白：“Go, I’ll hit him.”(面向青)青：“Sister, don’t do it.”
白：“Keep back ,don’t come any closer!” 青：“Come on ,just give me your hand.”（二人伸出手，音乐起，悲情）
旁白：Fahai was about to tame mi white ,mi green was feeling anxious.青：“odukei? I’m not his competitor, I must go away , otherwise , who can save my sister?” 第三幕：（音乐起）
许仙：“I have a dream that one day I can get a MBA degree in harward , I have a dream ,that one day I could get married with furongjiejie …I have a dream … ” 青：“Xu, xuxian”
许仙：“Oh, you look beautiful today ,what can I do for you ?”(抓住小青的手)青（挣脱）：“terrible, so terrible ,sister and I fighted with a monk.She got the short end of the stick and was caught.get it? ” 许：“Oh, what? where is she?” 青：“Follow me ,quickly!” 第四幕
许仙：“Fahai，come out!”
法海：“Who’s calling me? Today’s young men is more and more impolite!” 许仙：“Monk，give my wife back”
法海：“Emituofo，shanzaishanzai，your wife is a monster ” 许仙：“Monk，I don’t know the ropes yet.who’s monster? I only know , suzhen is my wife.”
法海：“OK, I will show you her nature”
（法海从包里拿出照妖镜，对准白素贞，白蛇倒下）（神雕侠侣音乐起）
许仙：“Are you really a monster？”
白：“Yes，I had cheated you，I’m a monster.” 周围：“Kill her ,kill her” 许仙：“Shut up！”“Yes, she is a monster ,she should be killed, but as her husband ,how can I live without her.No matter you are human being or a monster, I’ll love you forever.”
白：“Xianggong” 许仙：“Niangzi” 法海：“Go to die！”
（两人拉手，难舍难分，音乐起，泰坦尼克）白蛇显出原形，法海用钵盂收走
许仙：“Oh, my love ,my love.”“I’ll save her no matter how hard it is!” 第五幕： 旁白：Mi white was taken by fahai，in the leifeng tower，mi white telephoned her huaband outside 白：“Honey，the clink is so hard that you can’t get in.”
许仙：“Don’t be afraid，my dear，we’ll come soon.but I don’t know how to do？” 白：“Oh，I know，we can turn guanyin Buddha for help.”
许仙：“Oh,get it，I’ll go to nanhai now，waiting me，niangzi！” 旁白：As soon as xuxian heard it，he hurried went to nanhai.许仙遇见观音：“guanyin buddha，you are so beautiful today.” 观音：“Oh，really？”
许仙：“Of cause，you are the most beautiful lady I have seen.” 观音：“Well，tell me what’s up？”
许仙：“My wife was caught by a bad monk，now she is arrested in leifeng tower.” 观音：“Oh，I have known it，but you know it’s a rule of thumb that a monster isn’t allowed to marry human being，so she should be punished.” 许仙：“Why？why is that？since she has been in the leifeng tower ,I have never sleep tight.when I recalled our past sweet life,I offten have a frog in mine and weep bitter tears.I’d rather it’s me be punished，guanyin Buddha，just let me replace her, ” 观音：“Though I couldn’t help you，you can turn the famous terrorist for help，emituofo，shanzaishanzai”(转身离开)许仙：“Terrorist？where to find one？”
观音忽然回头：“Forgot to tell you，benladeng is wanted by American government.He’s a son of a gun.so，now he is hiding in china…” 许仙：“oh yeah，great！”
旁白：After searching for several days，xuxian got the news that benladeng is in Xiamen University 许仙：“Hi，brother，I caught some trouble，can you help me？” 本拉登：“Is it the tower？I have heard of that from my guys，easy，but，why do I help you？” 许仙：“Well，I have a sister called little qing ,who is famous for her beauty in china ,if you help me…”
本拉登：“Great，hurry up，don’t waste time！”（炸弹声响起，白蛇获救）白：“xianggong”
许仙：“Niangzi,you’re saved by the bell ”“let me introduce，this is Mr benladeng” 白：“thank you for helping me”
本拉登：“a piece of cake，I’m good at it！”
青跑过来抱住白：“sister！I have never thought we could meet again ” 本拉登：“a！”小青也惊叹… 白：“What’s wrong？” 许仙：“It’s love.”
白：“Let’s go together.”(对小青说)青：“Don’t you see i’m busy now？”（二人走，谢幕）
