Legally Blonde律政俏佳人剧本_律政俏佳人剧本

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Here it is!Thanks.Did you guys sign it? Did you sign the card? And five and four and--Hey, girls, sign!All right!Here you go!Thanks.You go, girl!Hi, girls!Here, sign!Thanks!There she is.Thank you.I love that restaurant!I heard Madonna went into labor there.Oh, gosh!I have to go shopping!I'll see you tonight.Bye.Bruiser, what's this? “Good luck tonight.Elle and Warner forever.” Oh, that's so cute.Oh, my gosh!You guys are so sweet!But I'm not positive it'll happen tonight.Hello!He just had lunch with his grandmother.You know he got the rock.Why else would she have flown in from Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a six-carat diamond.Do you really think? I can't believe you're getting engaged!Oh, my gosh...you guys have to help me

pick out the perfect outfit.Come on!

I think you should go with the red.It's the color of confidence.I don't understand why you're disregarding...your signature color.He's proposing.I can't look

like I would on any other date.This is the date--

the night I'll always remember.I want to look special.Bridal.But not like I expect anything.There's nothing I love more...than a dumb blonde

with daddy's plastic.Did you see this one? We just got it in yesterday.Is this low-viscosity rayon?

Yes.Of course.With a half-loop

top-stitching on the hem?

Absolutely.It's one of a kind.It's impoible to use A half-loop top-stitching...on low-viscosity rayon.It would snag the fabric.And you didn't just get it in.I saw it in the June Vogue

a year ago.So if you're trying to sell it

for full price...you picked the wrong girl.Girls, this is it.In a few hours...I'll be the future Mrs.Warner Huntington III.Wow.You look so beautiful.So do you.Let's get out of here.Must be strange

having such perfect eyes.God, you're so wonderful.Elle, thank you.Here's to us.To us.One of the reasons I wanted

to come here tonight...was to discu our future.And I am fully amenable

to that discuion.Good.You know how we've been having...all kinds of fun lately? Well, Harvard

is gonna be different.Law school is

a completely different world...71 and I need to be serious.72 Of course.73 My family expects a lot from me.74I expect a lot from me.75 I plan on running for office someday.76 I fully support that.You know that.77 Absolutely.But the thing is...78 if I'm going to be a senator by the time I'm thirty...79 I need to stop dicking around.80 Warner, I completely agree.81 That's why I think it's time for us...82

Elle, pooh bear...83So?Who? 160

“Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes Huntington III...161

”and his fiancee Layne Walker Vanderbilt...162

“first year Yale Law.” 163

This is the type of girl that Warner wants to marry!164

This is what I need to become

to be serious!165 What?

Practically deformed? 166

No.A law student.167 Law school? 168 It's a perfectly respectable place, daddy.169 Honey, you were first runner up...170 at the Mi Hawaiian Tropics contest.171 Why are you gonna throw that all away? 172 Going to Harvard is the only way...173 I'll get the love of my life back.174 Sweetheart, you don't need law school.175 Law school is for people...176 who are boring and ugly and serious.177

And you, Button,are none of those things.178

Harvard Law School? 179

That's right.180

But that's a top three school.181

Oh, I have a 4.0.182

Yes, but your major is fashion merchandising.183

Harvard won't be impreed that

you aced History of Polka Dots.184 What are your back-ups? 185

I don't need back-ups.I'm going to Harvard.186 Well, then, you'll need...187

excellent

recommendations from your profeors.188

And a heck

of an admiions eay.189 Right.190

And at least a 175 on your LSATs.191

I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest...192

for Lambda Kappa Pi.193

Trust me, I can handle anything.194

Thanks!195

You're welcome.196

Because I have a metrabolism--197

-I have a really high metrab--

-It's metabol...198

Oh, my God.199 What are you doing? 200 Reading about the LSATs.201 My cousin had that.202 Apparently, you get a really bad rash on your...203 The LSATs are an exam.204 Girls, I'm going to Harvard!205Let's all go!206 Road trip!207 No.I'm going to Harvard Law School.208 Why? 209 Elle, now, I know you're upset about all this...210 but can't you just take a Percoset? 211

Once Warner sees me as a serious law student...212

he'll totally want me back.213 It's a completely brilliant plan!214

But isn't it hard

to get into law school? 215

I had the highest GPA in Delta Nu.216

Oh, well.Here, you're gonna need this.217

Your scrunchy? 218

My lucky scrunchy.It helped me pa Spanish.219

You paed Spanish because

you gave Profeor Montoya...220

a lap dance after the final.221

Yeah...luckily.222

My name is Elle Woods, and for my admiions eay...223

I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard...224

why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.225

As president of my sorority...226 I'm skilled at commanding

the attention of a room...227

and discuing

very important iues.228

It has come to my attention

that the maintenance staff...229

is switching our toilet paper

from Charmin...230 to generic.231 All those opposed to chafing please say “aye.” 232 A--neither type of opera...233 or neither type of rap is on sale.234 B--neither type of jazz...235 and neither type of opera is on sale.236 C--neither type of opera and neither type of soul--237 Party!Delta Nu, we love you!238 I'm able to recall hundreds of important details...239 at the drop of a hat.240 Hey, Elle, do you know what happened...241

on Days of Our Lives yesterday? 242

Why, yes, Margot, I do.243

Once again, we join Hope

in the search for her identity.244

As you know, she's been

brainwashed by the evil Stefano.245

Get set and go!246

One forty-three.247

I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.248

I object!249

It's here!250

-What?Tell us!255

What is it? 256

One seventy-nine!257

One seventy-nine!258

And that's why

you should vote for me...259 Elle Woods,future lawyer

for the cla of 2004.260

She does have a 4.0 from CULA...261

and she got a 179 on her LSATs.262

A fashion major? 263 Well, sir, we've never had one before...264 and aren't we always looking for diversity? 265 Her list of extracurricular activities is impreive.266 She was in a Ricky Martin video.267 Clearly, she's interested in music.268 She also designed a line of faux fur panties...269 for her sorority's charity project.270 She's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.271 Elle Woods...272 welcome to Harvard.273 Bruiser, it's so exciting!Look!Harvard!274

Are you excited? 275

This is our new house for the next three years.276

Are you thirsty? 277

Let's get you some water.278

Sweetheart,you just look parched.279

Hey, Brad, check out Malibu Barbie!280

Where's the beach, honey? 281

Here you go.282

Good boy.Warner's gonna be

so excited to see you.283

Guys, this way.284

-This ain't L.A.!Killer.-Thanks.Good times.313

Aaron Mitchell.314

I graduated first in my cla

from Princeton.315 I have an I.Q.of 187...316

and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking...317 stole

his Brief History of Time...318

from my fourth grade paper.319 Cool.320Yeah.321

Hi.I'm Elle Woods

and this is Bruiser Woods...322

and we're both

Gemini vegetarians.323

I have a bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising...324

from CULA, and I was a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart...325 president of my sorority, Delta Nu...326 and last year, I was homecoming queen.327 Two weeks ago I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal...328 and I talked her out of buying...329 this truly heinous angora sweater.330 Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.331 Wish me luck, Bruiser.332 This is my first cla as a serious law student.333 I totally look the part.334 There is no way she got in here on her own.335

I totally forgot you go here.336

What are you talking about? 337

I'm sorry.Are you here to see me? 338

No, silly.I go here.339

You go where? 340

Harvard.Law school.341

You got into Harvard Law? 342

What, like it's hard? 343

Oh, my gosh, Warner, it'll be so great.344

I'm planning this great mixer.You have to help me.345

I'm thinking like

a luau or casino night.346

It'll be just like senior year

except funner.347

Time to go.I have to go to cla...348

but meet me after on the benches.349

All right, bye!350

A legal education

means you will learn...351

to speak in a new language.352

You will be taught to achieve insight...353

into the world around you...354

and to sharply question what you know.355

The seat you have picked

will be yours...356

for the next nine months of your life.357 And those of you in the front row...358 beware.359 “The law is reason free from paion.” 360 Does anyone know who spoke those immortal words? 361Aristotle.362 Are you sure? 363 Would you be willing to stake your life on it? 364 I think so.365 What about his life? 366 I don't know.367 Well, I recommend knowing before speaking.368 The law leaves much room for interpretation...369

but very little for self-doubt.370

And you were right.371

And you were right.372

It was Aristotle.373

Good job.374

Now, I aume all of you

have read pages 1-48...375 and are now well-versed in subject matter jurisdiction.376

Who can tell us about Gordon vs.Steele? 377

Let's call on someone from the hot zone.378

Elle Woods? 379

Actually, I wasn't aware that we had an aignment.380

Vivian Kensington.381

Do you think it's acceptable

that Ms.Woods is not prepared? 382 I don't.383

Would you support my decision

to ask her to leave cla...384

and to return

only when she is prepared? 385

Absolutely.386

Now, Ms.Kensington...387

did diversity jurisdiction exist in this case? 388

No, it did not.389

Good.How about in the case of Owens vs.McCullogh? 390 I can't believe that girl.391 So stupid!392 Who does she think she is? 393 Excuse me.Are you OK? 394 Do they put you on the spot like that all the time? 395 The profeors? 396 They tend to do that.Socratic method.397 If you don't know the answers, they just kick you out? 398 You have Stromwell, huh? 399 Yes!Did she do that to you, too? 400 No.But she did make me cry once.401

Not in cla.I waited till I got back to my room...402

but she'll kick you right in the ball--403

Or wherever, you know.404

She's really tough.405 Great.406

Don't worry, it gets better.Who else do you have? 407 I have Callahan, Royalton,and Levinthal.408

Let's see, speak up in Callahan's cla.409

He really likes people that are opinionated.410 And in Royalton's cla...411

try to get a seat in the back.412

He spits when he talks about products liability.413

And for Levinthal, make sure

you read the footnotes.414

That's where he gets a lot of his exam questions.415 Right.416 Wow.I'm really glad I met you.417

Are you a third year? 418Hey, Elle.419 Hi!

Thanks for all your help.420

Good luck.421 So...422

how was your first cla? 423 It was good, except for this horrible preppy girl...424 who made me look bad in front of the profeor.425 But no biggie.426 You're here now.So, how was your summer? 427 Good.It was good.428 Did you do anything exciting? 429 Have you met Vivian? 430 Hi.Vivian Kensington.431 Do you know her? 432I'm his fiancee.433 I'm sorry.I just hallucinated.What? 434 She was my girlfriend in prep school.435

And, well, we got back together

this summer...436

at my grandmother's birthday party.437

Warner told me all about you.438

You're famous at our club.439

But he didn't tell me you'd be here.440

Pooh bear,I didn't know she would be here.441

Excuse me.442

Oh, thank God!443

Are you free?

It's an emergency.444

Bad day? 445

You can't even imagine.446 Spill.447

I worked so hard

to get into law school.448

I blew off Greek week to study for the LSATs.449

I even hired a Coppola to direct my admiions video.450

All to get

my boyfriend Warner back.451

And now he's engaged to this awful girl Vivian...452

so it was all for nothing, and I...453

I just wish...454

I just wish

I had never gone to Harvard.455

After you went to all that trouble.456

He's engaged!457 She's got the six-carat Harry Winston...458 on her bony, unpolished finger.459 What am I supposed to do? 460 You're asking the wrong girl.461 I mean, I'm with my guy eight years...462 and then one day, it's...463 “I met someone else.Move out.” 464 Oh, no.That's awful.465 Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus.466 I didn't even get to throw him a birthday party.467 What's a girl to do? 468

He's a guy who followed his pecker...469

to greener pastures...470

and I'm a middle-aged high-school dropout...471

who's got stretch marks and a fat a.472

That's terrible.473

Yep.Happens every day.474

So what's this Vivian got

that you don't have? 475

Three tits? 476

She's from Connecticut.477

She belongs

to his stupid country club.478

Is she as pretty as you? 479

She could use some mascara

and some serious highlights...480 but she's not completely

unfortunate looking.481

Hello, ladies.482

Hello, ladies.483

-Hey, there.-How you doing? Sign here.484

Oh, jeez.485

Look what I did.486

-See you later.Can she play?Hi, everybody.Hello?

-Hey, it's me.548

It's Elle!Gue what I'm doing right this second!549

I don't know.What? 550

I'm picking out my wedding dre!551

-What?

-Josh proposed!552

Did you get the rock yet? 553 Almost.554

Well, hurry up,so you can come home!555 We mi you!556 I mi you guys, too.The people here are so vile.557 Hardly anybody speaks to me--558 Oh, my God!I almost forgot to tell you!559 What? 560 I got bangs!My hair is so now.561 Really? 562 OK, so just listen to me.563 Keep June 1st open, you're one of my bridesmaids...564 and give Warner our love...565 because I'm getting married!566 So don't forget.Eight o'clock

at 45 Dunston Street.567

-It'll be a really nice party.-We'll be there.568

And don't forget

to bring your own merlot!569

No way!Is somebody at this

school actually having a party? 570 Yes...571

But it's a costume party.572

You probably

wouldn't want to come.573

I love costume parties.574

Well, then I gue we'll see you there.575

Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.576

Oh, my God!577

Thanks for inviting me, girls.This party is super fun.578

Nice outfit.579

I like your outfit, too.580

Except when I dre up as a frigid bitch...581

I try not to look so constipated.582

Oh, she's horrible.583

You've got the ring, sweetie.584

-Nice ears.-How you doing? 585 Warner,the English language...586

is all about

subliminal domination.587 Take the word semester.588

A perfect example of this school's...589 discriminatory preference of semen to ovaries.590 That's why I'm petitioning to have next term...591 be referred to as the winter ovester.592Wow!593 Don't you look like a walking felony? 594 Thank you.You're so sweet.595 Are you having fun? 596 I am now.What's with the costume? 597 I just decided to dre up.598 Really.599

I feel like we barely get to see each other...600

since we've been here.601

I know.I'm so busy with

these case studies and hypos.602

I know what you mean.I can't imagine doing...603

all this and Callahan's internship next year.604

That's gonna be so much.605

Elle, come on,you'll never get the grades...606

to qualify

for one of those spots.607 You're not smart enough, sweetie.608

Wait, am I on glue...609

or did we not get into the same law school? 610

Yeah, but--611

But what?

We took the same LSATs...612

and we're taking the same claes.613

I know, but come on, Elle, be serious.614

You can do something more valuable with your time.615

I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I? 616

-Oh, come on.No.Come on, guys.Bye.1016

So, I called your room last night.1017 I heard.1018

I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime.1019

No.You're a dork.1020

I'm in law school.1021

Look, I'm not going out with you.1022

I can't believe you'd even ask.1023 Girls like me don't go out with losers like you.1024 Let's get out of here.1025 Excuse me.1026 Why didn't you call me?

1027 What?

1028 We spent a beautiful night together...1029 and I never hear from you again?

1030 I...1031 I'm sorry?

1032 Sorry for what? For breaking my heart...1033 or for giving me the greatest pleasure...1034 I've ever known and then just taking it away?

1035 Both?

1036

Well,forget it.1037

I've spent too many hours

crying over you.1038

So...when did

you want to go out?

1039 Come in.1040

Are you done with that deposition yet?

1041

Yeah.Here, take it.1042

I've read it 20 times.1043

You know, Elle,I still can't believe...1044

you didn't tell

Callahan the alibi.1045

It's not my alibi to tell.1046 I know.1047

And I thought

that was very clay of you.1048 Really?

1049 Sure.1050 Thanks.1051

Did you ever notice how Callahan never asks Warner...1052

to bring him his coffee?

1053

He's asked me at least ten times.1054

Men are helple.You know that.1055

I know.Warner doesn't even do his own laundry.1056

He has to have it sent out.1057 I know.1058

Did you know when he first applied...1059 he got wait-listed.1060 What?

1061 His father had to make a call.1062 You're kidding.1063 No way!

1064 God, that is such a precious dog.1065 His name is Bruiser.Do you want to hold him?

1066Sure.1067 Look, he likes you.1068 He's giving me kies.1069 Thanks, Jeoff.1070 We're here today covering the trial of Brooke Windham.1071

She's charged with

the murder of her husband...1072

Boston millionaire Heyworth Windham.1073

First to testify are the victim's daughter and ex-wife.1074

The Superior Court of Suffolk

County is now in seion.1075

The Honorable Judge Marina R.Bickford presiding.1076

You may be seated.1077

And where was she exactly?

1078

Standing over

my father's dead body.1079

And what was

the defendant doing?

1080

She was sitting next to the pool, tople...1081

while the Latin boy handed her a drink.1082

Mr.Salvatore,can you tell us what this is?

1083

My uniform.1084

My uniform.1085

This is the uniform...1086

Mrs.Windham asked you to wear

while cleaning her pool?

1087

Are you having an affair with Brooke Windham?

1088

Define “affair.”

1089

Have you and Mrs.Windham

had sexual relations?

1090

Yes.OK? Yes.1091

Ladies and gentlemen, court will reconvene...1092 tomorrow morning at 9 A.M.1093 We're adjourned.1094 A Delta Nu would never sleep with a man who wears a thong.1095 Never!

1096 I just liked watching him clean the filter.1097 I believe you, Brooke.1098I will.1099 I got a big one for you.1100 Can you sign?

1101 I got it.1102 You broke his nose?

1103 I blew it, Elle.1104 My snap was

all over the place.1105

I'll be there

as soon as court is out.1106

We have to

cro-examine Enrique.1107

But don't worry.My girlfriend Serena...1108

barfed on a guy during “The Blair Witch Project”...1109

and they ended up dating

for three months.1110 Really?

All right.Bye-bye.1111 OK.Bye.1112

Don't stomp your little last-season Prada shoes at me.1113 These aren't last season.1114

-He's gay!Enrique's gay!See!

-What are you talking about?

1118

He isn't Brooke's lover.He's making it up.1119 Back up.How do you know he's gay?

1120 Gay men know designers.Straight men don't.1121

Know what?

1122

He left a Cher tape

in the pool house one time.1123

While I appreciate

your masterful legal theory...1124

I have a murder trial to attend to.1125 I'll take care of it.Thanks.1126 The court will come to order.1127 Mr.Salvatore, do you have any proof...1128 that you and Mrs.Windham were having an affair?

1129 Only the love in my heart.1130 If that's all the proof that he has, Your Honor...1131 I think I'm done here.1132 You may step down.1133 I'd like to ask a couple of questions, Your Honor.1134 Just give me a couple minutes.1135 Did you ever take

Mrs.Windham on a date?

1136Where?

1137

A restaurant where

no one could recognize us.1138

How long have you been

sleeping with Mrs.Windham?

1139

Three months.1140

-And your boyfriend's name is...Good night.1154

Callahan asked to see you

before you leave.1155 Really?

1156

He already has coffee, but maybe he needs a doughnut.1157

-Do you need any help?What?

1250

Callahan hit on her, so she quit.1251

My God.Scumbag.1252

-Oh, God.You're not going up there.And jury people.I do.So stricken.1319

Go ahead.1320

Mi Windham,did you hear a shot fired?

what had you done

1321 No.I was in the shower.1322 So, sometime in the 20 minutes...1323 that you were in the shower, your father was shot.1324 I gue.1325 Your father was shot while you were in the shower...1326 but you didn't hear the shot because...1327 because you were in the shower?

1328 I was washing my hair.1329 Where is she going with this?

1330 Have a little faith, Gerard.1331 Mi Windham...1332 earlier that day?

1333

I got up...1334

got a latte,went to the gym...1335

got a perm, and came home.1336

Where you got in the shower?

1337

I believe the witne has made it clear...1338

that she was in the shower.1339

Yes, Your Honor.1340

Mi Windham, had you ever gotten a perm before?

1341

How many would you say?

1342

Two a year since I was 12.1343

You do the math.1344

A girl in my sorority, Tracy Marcinko, got a perm once.1345

We all tried

to talk her out of it.1346

Curls weren't

a good look for her.1347

She didn't have

your bone structure.1348

But, thankfully, that same day...1349

she entered the Beta Delta Pi

wet t-shirt contest...1350 where she was completely

hosed down from head to toe.1351

Objection!

Why is this relevant?

1352

I have a point, I promise.1353

Then make it.1354 Yes, ma'am.1355 Chutney, why were Tracy Marcinko's curls ruined...1356 when she got hosed down?

1357 Because they got wet?

1358 Exactly.Isn't it the first cardinal rule...1359 of perm maintenance that you're forbidden to wet your hair...1360 for at least 24 hours after getting a perm...1361 at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate?

1362 And wouldn't somebody who's had, say, 30 perms...1363 in their life be well aware of this rule?

1364

And if in fact

you weren't washing your hair...1365

as I suspect, because your curls are still intact...1366

wouldn't you have heard

the gunshot?

1367

And if in fact

you had heard the gunshot...1368 Brooke Windham wouldn't have

had time to hide the gun...1369 before you got downstairs...1370

which would mean you would

have had to have found...1371

Mrs.Windham

with a gun in her hand...1372

to make your story plausible.Isn't that right?

1373

She's my age!

Did she tell you that?

1374

How would you feel if your father married someone your age?

1375

You, however,had time to hide the gun...1376

after you shot your father.1377

I didn't mean to shoot him.1378

I thought it was you walking through the door!

1379

Order!Order!

1380 Order!

1381

Oh, my God.1382

Oh, my God.1383 Oh, my God.1384 Bailiff, take the witne into custody...1385 where she will be charged for the murder of Heyworth Windham.1386 In the matter of The State vs.Brooke Windham...1387 this case is dismied.1388 Mrs.Windham, you are free to go.1389 Thank you!

1390 Thank you!

1391 Elle, how did you know Chutney was lying?

1392 Because she's brilliant, of course.1393 The rules of hair care are simple and finite.1394 Any Cosmo Girl would have known.1395 What?

1396

I just wanted to say...1397

that you were

so brilliant in there.1398

And that I was wrong.1399

And you are the girl for me.1400 Really?

1401

Pooh bear...I love you.1402

I've waited so long to hear you say that.1403

But if I'm gonna be a partner at

a law firm by the time I'm 30...1404

I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.1405

Thank you, boys.1406 Ladies and gentlemen...1407

I present the graduates of Harvard Law School...1408

Cla of 2004.1409

I am personally very honored to introduce...1410

this year's

cla-elected speaker.1411

After getting off

to a quite interesting start...1412

here at Harvard...1413

she graduates today with an invitation to join...1414

one of Boston's

most prestigious law firms.1415

I'm sure we are going to see

great things from her.that we take our next 1416 Ladies and gentlemen, Elle Woods.1417 On our very first day at Harvard...1418 a very wise profeor quoted Aristotle.1419 “The law is reason free from paion.”

1420 Well, no offense to Aristotle...1421 but in my three years at Harvard...1422 I have come to find that paion is a key ingredient...1423 to the study and practice of law and of life.1424 It is with paion, courage of conviction...1425 and strong sense of self...1426

steps

into the world...1427

remembering

that first impreions...1428 are not always correct...1429

you must always have faith

in people...1430

and most importantly...1431

you must always have faith

in yourself.1432

Congratulations, Cla of 2004.1433

We did it!

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