英语幽默小短文（材料）_英语幽默短小故事
英语幽默小短文（材料）由刀豆文库小编整理，希望给你工作、学习、生活带来方便，猜你可能喜欢“英语幽默短小故事”。
英语幽默小短文
Two birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow.Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.Teacher: Please tell us.Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.两只鸟
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
The Fish Net
“Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?”
“A lot of little holes tied together with strings.” replied the little girl.鱼网
“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？” 老师发问道。
“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。” 小女孩回答道。
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.“George, how did you like your new teacher?” asked his mother.“I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....”
新老师
9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。
“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？” 妈妈问。
“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his clamates were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?
Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.一次物理考试
在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？
尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后
Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his bo: “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”
“That's fine,” roared the bo, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”
“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
Creative Applying for my first job, I realized I had to be creative in listing my few qualifications.Asked about additional schooling and training, I answered truthfully that I had spent three years in computer programming claes.I got the job.I had neglected to mention that I took the same course for three years before I paed.创造性
第一次求职时，我意识到在列举我所具备的为数不多的条件时，得有点创造性。当问及我是否受过其它的培训时，我老实地回答说我花了三年时间学计算机程序设计课。我得到了那份工作。
我没有提到那门功课我重复学了三年才考及格
I knew that!There were two men who went out to eat together.They ordered fish.So on the table there were two fish.Normally not all the fish are alike in size, so there was one small, and one big.The first man just took the big one for himself without asking and feeling ashamed, or anything;and ate it.The other friend felt very disturbed and annoyed, he didn't know what to say.So he thought for a while, and then he said,“ If it were me,” I would have taken the smaller onefirst.“ So the other guy said,” See!I knew that!That's why I took the big one.“ He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed.He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad.How did that happen? Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, ”What happened?“ ”A kid bit me,“ replied Ivan.”Would you recognize him if you saw him again?“ asked his mother.”I'd know him any where,“ said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.“ 他的耳朵在我衣兜里
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” 只剩一个引擎 One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway acro the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, ”Attention, paengers.We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left.Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult.“ Shortly thereafter, the paengers heard the captain's voice again, ”Gue what, folks.We just lost our third engine, but please be aured we can fly with only one.We will now arrive in London three hours late.“ At this point, one paenger became furious.”For Pete's sake,“ he shouted, ”If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!“
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” The Advantage of Wearing Glaes
Helen's eyes were not very good，so she usually wore glaes，but when she nineteen and began to go out with a young man，she never wore glaes when she was with him.When he came to the door to take her out，she would take her glaes off，and when she got back home again and he left，she would put them on.One day her mother asked her:
“But Helen，why do you never wear glaes when you are with Jim? He takes you to such lovely places in his car，but you can't see anything.”
“Well，mother，” said Helen.“I look prettier to Jim when I'm not wearing my glaes and he looks better to me，too.”
戴眼镜的好处
海伦的视力不太好，所以他常戴眼镜。她十九岁时开始和一个男青年交朋友。当和男朋友在一起时海伦从不戴眼镜。每当男朋友到门口接她外出的时候，她就摘下眼镜；回到家里，男朋友走了以后，海伦才戴上眼镜。有一天妈妈问她：“海伦，你和吉姆在一起时为什么从不戴眼镜？他开车带你去优美的地方玩儿，可你什么也看不见。”海伦说：“嗯，妈妈，我不戴眼镜时吉姆看着我更漂亮些，同时我也觉得他显得更顺眼一些。” A Gentleman 绅士
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five.One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen.She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, ”Now here's a knife, Dick.Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman.“ ”Like a gentleman?“ Dick asked.”How do gentlemen do it?“ ”They always give the bigger piece to the other person.“ answered his aunt at once.”Oh“ said Dick.He thought about this for a few seconds.Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,”Cut this cake in half, Catherine.“.迪克年龄七岁，他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天，妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩，自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。
孩子们玩了个把小时，在四点半的时候，姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并对他说：“喏，迪克，给你刀子，把这块蛋糕一切为二，给你妹妹一块。不过，你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。” 迪克问：“像一个绅士？绅士怎样做呢？”
他姨妈马上回答说：“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。” 迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会，然后，他把蛋糕拿给妹妹，并对她说：“凯瑟琳，你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”
Where It Should Be Plugged
A mother is very good at using every chance to educate his son, who was only three years old.One day, she took a plug and said to her son, ” Look, there are two pieces of copper, so it must be plugged in a place where there are two holes.Where do you think it should be plugged?“ She waited for an answer expectfully.”Plug in nose.“ is the answer.插在何处
一位母亲十分善于利用每一个机会对孩子进行教育。她的儿子只有三岁。一天，她拿着一个插头对儿子说：“看，这里有两个铜片，那它一定要插在有两个孔的地方。你说它应该插在哪儿呢？”母亲期待着儿子的回答。
“插在鼻子里！”儿子回答说。
A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?“ ”I gave it to a poor old woman,“ he answered.”You're a good boy,“ said the mother proudly.”Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?“ ”She is the one who sells the candy一个好孩子小罗伯特向他妈妈要了两美分。“你用我昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我把它给了一个贫穷的老妇人。”他回答“你是个好孩子”妈妈骄傲地说。“这里有两美分多，但为什么你对老妇人这么有兴趣？”"她是一个卖糖果的”
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